Cristiano Ronaldo: The Anti-Woke Superstar of the "Wokeness Olympics

Oh boy, buckle up for the “Wokeness Olympics” starring none other than Cristiano Ronaldo! On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give this soccer superstar a solid 2/10 on the woke-o-meter.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

1. He’s got 111.8 million followers. That’s about as “woke” as a comatose sloth on Ambien.
2. His profile pic shows him kicking a ball. How revolutionary! I’m sure that’ll solve world hunger.
3. He’s promoting Portugal like it’s going out of style. Because nothing says “global citizen” like rabid nationalism, right?

But wait! There’s a glimmer of hope in this sea of un-wokeness:

• He uses social media to connect with fans. How 21st century of him!
• He seems to value teamwork. Sharing is caring, after all.
• He’s not afraid to show some man-love with his teammates. Bromance for the win!

In conclusion, Ronaldo’s about as woke as a fossil fuel executive at a climate change conference. But hey, at least he’s got great hair and can kick a ball really well. That’s gotta count for something in our shallow, sports-obsessed world, right?

Remember folks, in the grand scheme of things, we’re all just monkeys kicking balls on a floating rock in space. How’s that for perspective?